Understanding and Compassion, Please

So, I have this friend who one day blogged:

When I was in my 20s...We would have girls night out at Anne's house. We would dim the lights, turn on some music (at the time, it was whoever was big on PBS like Charlotte Church or somebody like that), break out the chocolate, and do pedicures or manicures. Some scrapbooked (we were all big into scrapbooking at that time).. and others just lounged around and visited. It was wonderful....

As I look back then, I remember having conversations w/ them "wow... wonder why those 30 & 40-year olds don't want to do anything w/ us come to Enrichment? Don't they know how FUN it is?!" We literally did everything that was offered.... but we had little kids!

We needed a break!

Then I hit my '30's.

I learned.

Women in their 30's & 40's with tween kids don't have time to play around. We're too busy chauffering our kids to all the activities they need to be at. Even now, when I do have a get together w/ some girlfriends, it's a constant email of "can you do it _____ or _____" and we all email back & forth until we find a date. That's how busy we are nowadays. Now I get it. I totally get why those ladies in their '30's & '40's didn't come! They weren't snobby at all! (not that I thought they were)... they were exhausted. Tired. Busy.

It's been stuck in my head ever since. I'm now right there with her, and boy am I tired, too!


Right in the middle of clearing up dinner dishes from the table, child #1 is "explaining" why she needs the internet, child #2 is talking about something,  child #3 is accidentally pulling on the back of the high chair, and child #4 is still in it.  And, to top it all off (as it always happens), the phone is ringing.  It is the Disney Company.  And, they actually ask if now is a good time to ask a few "quick" questions.

No, now is not a good time.  When I ordered 15 "Cars" cars at a total of $100, I didn't plan on having time for a majority of them to break apart.  This is because I don't have time to go into a store...or answer phone calls.

I don't have time for a kidney stone.  This is really because I don't have time for the multitude of appointments, of tests, of appointments to discuss the results of the tests, of what to do with any others that might be there, etc. etc.  I barely have time to make all the regular dentist, pediatric dentist, eye doctor, pediatric eye doctor, doctor, pediatric doctor, orthodontist, chiropractor, dermatologist, etc. etc. appointments that six normal people require.

Oh, and then there's the cleaners, the library, the grocery store, Costco, and Wal-Mart.  Heaven-forbid anyone get the brilliant idea to conglomerate the last three...   And all the other, normal, everyday and weekly things that must continue to function.

Jeremy asked me to stand in the kitchen the other day and turn the stove off when the water began to boil because he'd be in the shower.  I don't remember needing to say anything.  I'm fairly sure my look took care of that because I don't remember standing there, either.

I was almost late to child #2s parent-teacher conference today because I was typing a five-sentence form letter on why child #3 would not be enrolled in kindergarten there this fall.

Child #1 had a vaccine during one previously said well-visit.  Well, now I have to go back and get proof of this because the following week the school sent home a note saying that they need documentation of said vaccine before any same said child could start the next year.  So, now I'm behind on something that I already did.  Fabulous.

I've been missing a measuring spoon in a set that I've had for a while.  I actually accomplished purchasing another plastic replacement set.  I used it and then put it in the dishwasher (no judgement, please).  It melted in the dishwasher.  I accomplished going back to the store and purchasing a metal set.  I'd tell Farberware my opinion, but now I'm afraid that THEY will call, too.  I don't have time for that.

I'm behind three weeks in taking a birthday present to a friend.  I'm behind two months in making a practical, but terribly clever and cute car "holder" for both myself and a friend, each.  I'm behind nine months on a personalized "family recipe book" for a sibling.  I'm behind two years on a Christmas shadowbox.  I'm behind five years on  tying the second half of my master bedroom quilt.

(I have another friend who recently commented that she was surprised on something her pediatrician checked on one of her kids.  Then she remembered that she doesn't usually remember take her kids in for their annual check-ups and progress monitoring.  Maybe it should start "remembering" parts of my life like this???)

Instead, I'm dealing with toddlers who carry important things away, baptism dresses, training bras (and a whole host of other things that come), math homework I don't remember doing myself, forms and payments, dinner, phone calls, external motivation tactics for my children, a church calling I'm responsible for, laundry left in the washing machine, and anything else that requires immediate attention.  There's always something.

One of my very good friends recently told me she was in the store with her 17-year-old.  The 17-year-old said that she forgot to get an item on an aisle that they'd previously been on and that she was going to go get it and come right back.  My friend said, "Okay, go quick, hop like a bunny!"  When the 17-y.o. turned around and gave her mother the most annoyed look, it was then that my friend realized that she usually reserves words like those for her 3-year-old.  If you find that funny, it's because you can relate.  We're torn between trying to do so much, and we can only handle so much of it.

They say that we'll look back and miss these things.  I think that there are some things I'll miss.  Child #4 cuddles with dolls, dances like a rockstar, and is learning to talk.  Child #3 leaves cars in the most interesting of places, is learning to spell and write, and the world is opening up to him.  Child #2 is quiet, but when you really listen you'd be amazed and amused.  Child #1 is in that place between an actual child and a teenager, and trying to figure it out, too.  But, the rest...the rest I am awaiting enlightment on the true, full meaning of that phrase.

So, when you see me at the mall updating MY wardrobe, or lounging at the table reading a book, or sitting at the computer writing a blog like this...I don't want sympathy or judgement, I just want understanding and compassion (and maybe 1/2 a pound of chocolate to go with it).